A few months ago, in a post about outsourcing social media campaigns, I shared my strong dislike of the word "guru" when used for anything other than a spiritual guide.
But it seems hardly objectionable at all now that I've seen what I assume are two real job descriptions on one of my new favorite sites, Avoid This Job.
The more ridiculous of the two (but it's a close call), is for an Excel Data Entry Ninja. Among the requirements: fingers that type as if on fire, no fear of asking dumb questions, and ability to work with people who might not be able to return the favor some day. As the site notes, no employer in their right mind wants a ninja in the office. Here's why:
There is no world in which "silent, lethal warriors" and "data entry workers" overlap or interact, except in an (admittedly kind of awesome) imaginary world. A cinematic land where data entry "ninjas" are, for some unknown but fascinating reason, silently assassinated by actual ninjas; their fingers still on their keyboards, their coffee turning cold in their company mugs, their bodies undiscovered until Josh from accounting tries to rouse them for happy hour that night. Does that sound like a scenario that will boost morale around the office? No. It will not.
In another listing, an employer is advertising for a Developer/Tech/Wizard. The ad seeks someone who "technically can do anything and everything." So it requires both magical abilities and omnipotence, as the site notes, which is kind of a tough order to fill.
Later, the ad lists more specific (though somewhat less magical) skills like proficiency in Apache, Perl and other programming languages and an ability to administrate and operate both local and remote servers. Wow, even tougher.
Maybe one or both companies can hire this guy. (Hey, he can even do a little pirate work on the side. Does that make him overqualified?)